Hidden Wishes: 15 Things Men Yearn for in a Wife but Keep Under Wraps

Men think that women are a confusing species, and quite rightly, but most of the time, we talk about what we want. Sometimes too much, but when we want something, we usually have to express it. However, men tend not to talk about how they feel and what they want. They keep it locked inside and it’s down to the woman to try and guess whether we’re doing it right or not. Here are some things men want from a wife but they just never say it.

Independent but Pampered

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Men love an independent woman who knows what she’s doing. One man even said, “I want a woman that likes to be pampered but has no trouble taking care of herself.” We can all agree that there is nothing worse than having a partner who only takes, but is never able to do things for themselves. Men find it attractive when a woman is independent but can accept a bit of pampering from them every once in a while. This shows a man that there is a good balance to life.


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One thing men want from a wife is open and honest communication. There is nothing worse than trying to communicate and it seems like you’ve got more from a brick wall. Men like women to be able to talk freely about their thoughts and feelings, without any fear of repercussions. Ultimately, this leads to a great foundation of trust and understanding. One man said, “It sounds cliché, but communication. I’ve been married almost 20 years, and the key for us has always been communication, IF something is bothering her, I want her to let me know, don’t keep it bottled up until you explode, SAY something.”

Honesty and Practicality

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Men love directness in a relationship, and they tend to look for that when searching for a lover. Alongside this, is honesty and having a practical outlook on life. If you’re spending too much time in “dreamland” then this will put a man off you, and in fact, could do the opposite to what you’re wanting. A man said, “Honest/direct… belief in spirits, soul, karma, astrology, whatever, is again annoying.”

Softness and Strength

Men really appreciate a woman who is supportive and understanding. They also like the fact a woman is willing to try new things and also handle the surprises that life can throw out. A guy said, “Loving support in all things reasonable. Gentle grounding in all things that aren’t. A few shared interests. The ability to sit quietly and enjoy time together. Doesn’t belittle the interests she doesn’t share. Willing to try new things. Splits the chores/homemaking as evenly as possible. Doesn’t expect me to do things “because I’m the man.” Can kill spiders. Soft enough to hug.”

Aesthetics and Morality

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There are lots of foundations to a relationship, but men think that physical attraction is an important one, and they require this from a wife in order to have a loving and respectful relationship. “A reasonable devotion to physical beauty weight wise, hair wise, clothes-wise… Avoidance of blatantly stupid things like drug use, murdering people, public urination, etc.”

Shared Interests

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It’s no good having loads of things in common with your partner, but it is important to have a few shared interests, and this is something men look for when considering a wife. It can add a bit of overall interest to the relationship and gives you both something to enjoy together. “After 19 years of marriage, I would like a fancy dinner about once a month. Some nice Porterhouse steaks tossed with a green salad and French bread. I would also like guilt-free time to enjoy my hobby, and I would also like a hobby we share and one for my wife to call her own. I want my wife to have friends. As much as I have to offer, the one thing I cannot be is my wife’s girlfriend.”


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There are times in life when we really break down, and sometimes might feel as if the whole world is against us. Being with a person who is able to put everything to one side and simply be there to console the partner is highly important in a relationship, and men really need this sometimes. This isn’t anything to do with physical communication, but just being there, silently if needed, to console your loved one, is a wonderful cure. “Someone to hold me when I’m sad.”

Comforting Melodies

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Believe it or not, but men quite like a woman who is able to share their voice with them. This is even if you’re not the greatest singer. Men just love a woman who has the confidence to sing for them. One man says, “A companion, an intellectual equal, and a kind person who sings me ‘Soft Kitty’ when I’m sick.”


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When it comes to choosing a partner, there is something about physical contact that just drives us crazy. It brings us together and makes us feel closer to our partners. They are such a simple gesture, but they mean a lot and turning to your partner for a cuddle is one of the most comforting things ever. “Somebody to cuddle with, omg, I’m so lame!”


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Laughter is medicine for any life, and definitely any relationship. Having the ability to make each other laugh will bring you both closer together and give you moments that you can look back on in the future and continue to laugh at. It brings joy to relationships and one guy said, “My grapes peeled and to be fanned with a palm leaf.”


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We’re always claiming that authenticity is the way forward in everything in life, and it’s becoming more of a trend now than it ever has been. It’s the same with relationships and what men want from a wife. It’s very important for a lifelong relationship to have that authenticity with each other. “Men want different things from their marriages: some want housewives, some want to be househusbands. Some are looking for submissive women, and some are looking for dominant women. What you should do is be yourself and find a guy who likes you as you are; when “what he wants out of a wife” lines up with “who you are,” then you’ll have found a match.”


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Having ambition as a personal trait is important. Men don’t want to be in relationships with women who don’t have that drive about them. It says a lot about a person for what their goals are and what they want to achieve in their lives, and what’s even more important are the steps that a person takes in order to make these dreams, reality, but also having a partner who can push you in the right direction of these dreams. “Someone that can keep up with me or doesn’t get in the way of my ambition.”


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Having true understanding from both partners is an important quality within a relationship, and it’s something that men look for in women. Respect and equality is also important. “I don’t want an old fashioned housewife. I want to share the responsibility of running the house… I want her to be able to carry on her life without me when that happens.”

Being the ‘little spoon’

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Men sometimes love the fact that a woman is prepared to be the big spoon sometimes. This creates a vulnerability that some men feel like they can’t show. Being comforted and having the feeling of being protected is a major part of a relationship, and this goes for men as well. “Let me be the little spoon sometimes.”

Be Best Friends

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We know that it’s important to have separate friends in your relationship. But there is nothing better than having a best friend as a partner. Being able to have someone who accepts everything about you and what you’re able, to understand and support you in everything. Someone who encourages you to be the best version of yourself. “To be accepted for who I am and who I am not – a best friend.”


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When you walk hand in hand in a relationship, and at the same pace, there is an equality shared. There should be no “I’m better than you”, there should be no leading and following, but living life together, as one, on the same level. “Someone to walk beside me, not in front or behind me.”

Aging together

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There is one ultimate goal for any relationship, and it’s quite simple, and definitely inevitable. Growing old together is something that is going to happen when you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Sharing the whole journey with someone, including the good and bad things. It’s important for a man to share this same desire with his wife. “I want to grow old with her, yell at kids to get off our lawn together, and go and play Bingo with her.”

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